Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
