it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They took my balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
