god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
