Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
