I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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