As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize