I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
