Me. At least after what I've been through.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
