Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
