I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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