Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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