I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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