Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
