I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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