i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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