please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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