idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
