No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
