New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
