I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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