just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
