Swine flu. Run for my life!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
