as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
