don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
