Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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