and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
