I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
