she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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