we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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