She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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