Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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