12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
