I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
