In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
