The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
