Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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