yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
