fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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