im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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