I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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