Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize