i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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