I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
