Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My breasts were aching with rage.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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