only if we run a train.
done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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