you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
