dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
