he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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