I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
