my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
