I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
