talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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