Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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