can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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