Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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