There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
