Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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