I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
