I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
