I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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