i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
