Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
