I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
