The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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