My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
