In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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