I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
