I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
