12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
