I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i drank out of a bidet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
