Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
