Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
