I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
