i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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