he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
