3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
